


Of the Stag

by novemberthird



Series: First Wizarding War [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Who even knows, sirius and lily friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-30
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2019-04-13 23:13:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14122911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novemberthird/pseuds/novemberthird
Summary: Before he became the father of the chosen one, he was just a boy.





	Of the Stag

**Author's Note:**

> [This is the combination of every drabble I posted on my tumblr siriuslysnuffles for the month of March, for James Potter] ***contains references to abuse. includes sexual situations.

**November 1975**

She was watching him from the corner of her eye as he sat whispering to Sirius Black. He held a quill in one hand, twirling it slightly before returning the tip to the piece of parchment. She couldn’t help but smile slightly as she noticed him ruffling his hair with his other hand.

“You’re staring, Lily,” April nudged her teasingly. She shifted her eyes away from him.

“I was not staring,” Lily protested defensively.

April rolled her eyes, “Of course not, you were just admiring his very fit form, were you?” She looked at her smugly, “For science, of course.”

“Shush it you, I’m trying to listen to Slughorn.” Lily pushed her hair to cover her face, hiding the blush that covered it.

“He’s looking this way,” she didn’t need to specify who he was.

“I don’t fancy him, April,” she began for what seemed to be the millionth time since they began the school year. “I–he’s just really nice to look at.”

“In other words, you wouldn’t mind finding a nice little broom closet to snog him in?”

“Leave it, April.”

Little did they know that James Potter wasn’t the only one observing the redhead. Nor would it be the last time that Snape would suspect of Lily Evans’ feelings for one James Fleamont Potter.

* * *

**January 1976**

James sat on the Quidditch Pitch drawing out possible moves for their next game against Hufflepuff. He'd show them to David Wood at their next practice. David had all but guaranteed James that he would get the title of Captain once he left next year. He couldn’t wait. He also couldn’t help but wonder whether Lily Evans liked Quidditch Captains as he traced her initials onto the bottom of the parchment. 

A grin formed on his face as he thought of her. Really he should know better by now than to daydream about the charming Gryffindor, but he couldn’t really be held responsible for what he did when she was around. It wasn’t his fault after all that she was so smart and funny and stunning. Did he mention her eyes yet? Honestly, it was a miracle when he could function with her so close. Especially when she looked at him with those eyes during class or meals or when she would say his name softly when she wanted his attention for something. He didn’t think he was keeping the fact that he fancied her much of a secret if the way SIrius kept looking at him recently was any indication, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

His mind wandered off of Lily Evans once he felt water begin to pour and looked up at the now dark sky. He was slightly annoyed that he would have to rewrite his Quidditch moves before the lightning distracted him. He grabbed the notebook Moony had bought him for Christmas and hurried back towards Gryffindor Tower. Tonight was it, tonight they would finally do it.

“James!” James spun around as he watched Sirius, Remus, and Peter catch up to him. “You’ll be needing this,” he handed James one of the vials with his initials written on it, the potion had turned a blood-red colour. “Come on,” Sirius said, pulling on James’ arm as he led them towards the Forbidden Forests.

“Are you sure about this?” Remus said as they went further into the forest. “It’s not too late to stop, I would understand.”

“You’re our mate, Remus.” James lopsided smile appeared on his face, “Our brother, we’re doing it.”

“But–” Sirius shook his head at Remus’ attempts at protests.

“A bit too late to tell us to backout, mate.” His grey eyes held a teasing glint in them.

“I’ve been saying this since third year, no one listens to me.” He sighed, beginning to accept that he was stuck with his insistent friends.

Peter’s voice came out softly, “We’re in this together, Remus.”

“Thank you,” they could hear the emotion in his voice.

“This seems like a good enough place to do it,” Sirius said taking the attention off of Remus. He took out a piece of old parchment from his robes that had been folded and unfolded on multiple occasions and opened it up, letting his eyes scan it.

“So remember, all we have to do is say the words, drink the potion, and not panic,” his eyes looked at Peter softly, “You have nothing to worry about, Pete, we have complete faith in you.”

James grinned at them, knowing there were few others he would place this much fate into.

“Are you sure? Completely sure,” Remus attempted once more came as the sound of lightning struck again.

“Yes,” the other three said in certainty.

“Let’s get this over with, lads.” Remus stepped back, watching his friends as they pointed the tips of their wands to their hearts and together uttered, “Amato Animo Animato Animagus” before drinking the blood-red potions. 

James’ restrained the urge to let out a scream as pain shot through him. He feared it wouldn’t work despite knowing this was part of the process. He felt his heart race increase and felt another heartbeat along with his own. He let his fears leave him as he remembered why he was doing this, as he remembered Remus. He saw the image of a stag appear in his mind before he felt his limbs morphing, his glasses and clothes merging into his skin, err, fur. 

His mind felt clearer, he saw a dog and a rat next to him. He also saw Remus looking at the three animals in amazement. Remus took a step forward, approaching him first. James held his head high as he heard the sound of the dog sniffing the rat.

“James.” Remus held a hand to his, or the stag’s, nose, petting him softly as James gave into the urge to nuzzle into it. “James, can you change back?” James concentrated for a moment, imagining himself once more as a human before he felt his body comply. “Welcome back, Prongs.”

“Prongs?” James questioned as he approached the others, ruffling Sirius’ fur gently.

“Because of your antlers.”

“Clever,” he said as he turned his attention back to Sirius. “And what are we calling these two? I suppose Snuffles could work for Sirius?” 

He heard Sirius let out a growl before transforming back, “We are not calling me Snuffles.”

“Whatever you say, Snuffles,” James grinned at him in the way only he could that had Sirius instantly laughing instead.

“Bloody prat is what you are.”

“Pete, are you all right?” James asked as he picked up his discarded wand. The rat whimpered as it scattered about. “Just relax, all you have to do is remember what you look like as a human. Just remember, Pete,” he said giving the rat a small comforting stroke. 

A moment later, the rat transformed back into the brown-haired boy. “Merlin,” was all he said as he looked around the forest nervously.

“We did it,” Sirius said, distracting Peter from his former nerves. “How about we go to Hogsmeade and celebrate?” He suggested.

“I could use a butterbeer,” Peter indulged him, following after Sirius.

“To the man of the hour,” James cheered as he threw an arm over Remus’ shoulder.

“Thank you,” Remus said softly.

“Don’t mention it, Moony.”

* * *

**July 1976**

James lied on the living-room floor, his eyes focused on the chess board as he observed his father’s next move. His hazel eyes looked up to meet his father’s blue ones before saying with a teasing smile, “You’re losing your touch, dad.”

Fleamont Potter let out a soft laugh as his wife gave her son an exasperated look.

“James, what have I told you about modesty?”

He looked at his mother in faux innocence, batting his eyes at her. “That I shouldn’t lie about having it?”

Euphemia shook her head, a small smile formed on her lips. “What did I ever do to get you as son?” James moved his piece before looking at her with a twinkle in his eye, “Well, mam, when two people love each other very much they…”

“James Fleamont Potter, don’t make me wash your mouth.” James knew an empty threat when he heard one. His eyes once more met his father’s who, in his attempt to not anger his wife, was restraining his laughter. “Do you talk to girls with that mouth?”

James blushed at the comment. The events that occurred after his Defence Against the Dark Arts OWL was only too fresh in his mind. It wasn’t _completely_ his fault that his crush on the redheaded beauty usually led him into doing idiotic things. He knew his mother would definitely be disappointed in him if he recounted _that_ event.

“Is there a girl?” His father asked at the look on his son’s face.

“No,” he said quickly. “There’s no girl, just schoolwork and Quidditch.” James ruffled his hair nervously and cursed himself for the habit.

“And a girl and detention?” His father grinned at him. His eyes gazing at his wife’s eager expression. His mother’s mouth opened to begin questioning her poor son on his love life (or lack of one if he was going for accuracy), but luck seemed to be in his favour as a loud sound resonated into the living-room, alerting the Potters to presence on their property.

James got up quickly, slightly stumbling to get away from this line of conversation. “I’ll get it,” he uttered.

“Your wand, James,” his father said, handing it to his son as he followed after. “It’s rather late for a visit, isn’t it?”

“Only a bit, nine isn’t that late.” James couldn’t help but silently agree, however, as an unsettling feeling found its way into the pit of his stomach.

He placed his hand on the doorknob, opening the door quickly to reveal Sirius Black, beaten and bruised.

“Got room for one more tonight, Prongs?” He accompanied this as he wiped of a bit of blood on the corner of his usually mirthful face.

“Mia,” he heard his father yell as James ushered Sirius in.

“What happened, Sirius?” James’ voice was urgent as he carefully helped him into the living-room where his father was whispering crucially to his wife, the words spoken too quietly for the two newcomers’ ears.

“I ran away.” James glanced at him with interest, his eyes softening as his mother moved him away to care for his friend.

“Hello, Mia, my love. You’re looking lovelier than ever.” James could hear the tenseness in his voice.

“What happened?” James asked as his mother began healing Sirius. Her eyes narrowing in on the bruises and their whereabouts. “Did–did your parents do this to you?”

James couldn’t understand how someone could do something like this to their child, but he knew this wasn’t the first time Sirius’ parents have done something like this, even if his friend would deny it if asked. The marks on Sirius’ back said otherwise.

“I ran away.” His voice was bitter, letting James know that he wouldn’t share more in front of his parents. “Is it all right if I stay here for a few days while I figure something out?” His grey eyes focused on his shoes, unable to look at any of them. He looked up as James’ mum brushed her lips against his forehead. 

“You’re always welcomed here, Sirius. You can stay as long as you want.” Her fingers brushed at his hair gently before continuing her work, grumbling about the nerve of Walburga and Orion Black. For Sirius’ sake, James hoped that his mother wouldn’t encounter them anytime soon, even if James also secretly wished to see them face the wrath of Euphemia Potter.

“I’ve always wanted a dog,” James said jokingly, ruffling his hair as he glanced at his father who watched Sirius with the pity James knew he wouldn’t appreciate.

“James,” his mother admonished. Sirius, on the other hand, let out a barklike laugh. At least someone here recognise James’ brilliant humour.

* * *

His mother sent them up to sleep an hour later, once she had examined all of Sirius’ cuts and bruises, including the older ones that James knew broke his dear mother’s heart. She had given both boys long hugs before letting out a tiny sob as she bid them goodnight. James’ father had reassured Sirius that there was no hurry for him to look for somewhere else to go. Sirius was family after all.

Sirius had his own room from his many visits to the Potter Manor, but he insisted on staying in James’ room despite the protest of Katana, one of their house-elves, who assured Sirius they had enough room.

“So what happened?” James asked as he bid Katana a goodnight.

Sirius sat onto James’ bed as James headed for the wardrobe in search of clothes for the pair. Sirius hadn’t found nightwear on his list of priorities while packing.

Sirius let out a long sigh. “Do you remember me mentioning my cousin Bellatrix?”

James nodded in confirmation as he tossed Sirius a black shirt and pajama bottoms. “Married into the Lestrange family, right?”

“Yes, completely mental,” he scoffed bitterly. “She’s a Death Eater, James.” His eyes darkened and his jaw tensed as he looked back at James. “They wanted me to join _him_.”

“I thought you parents weren’t Death Eaters?” James stripped down to his boxers, not caring enough to change in another room. He tried to raise an eyebrow at Sirius but failed causing a fond smile to grace his face.

“They’re not,” he was once more somber. “But they think he has the right idea. They were going to make me join him tonight, but I refused to. Mum ran after me when I went into my room to pack.” He didn’t elaborate on what that included, he didn’t need to. “I managed to sneak out using the window in my room, I ran a few blocks and took the Knight Bus the rest of the way.”

James was speechless for a moment before he nudged Sirius to make room for him. Nothing else was said between the two friends as they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**March 1977**

His life was over, he thought in despair as he once more saw Lily–his intelligent, funny, kind, beautiful, friend Lily–kissing Sirius Black on the cheek. An utter betrayal has been inflicted on his person, one which only he could see.

“James, you’re glaring,” Remus, his new best mate, said.

James frowned, “Am not.” 

“You’re acting like a child.” James changed his mind, his new best friend was Peter, he would never wrong James like this.

He switched his attention to Peter and asked softly,  “Wormy, am I being a child?”

“I don’t get the big deal? They’re just sitting there, Prongs.” He shrugged, “They’re not shagging.”

“Of course not in public, but who knows what they spend their free time doing.” His voice was high-pitched and full of panic. “They kicked us out of the dorm yesterday for three hours. What do you think they were doing?”

James sighed, his hand going into his hair and gripping his black hair to the point that Remus and Peter feared he would pull it out in frustration. 

He let go of his hair and set his hair down on the table before signing sadly, “I can’t even blame Sirius. She’s amazing.”

Peter’s eyebrows knit in confusion, “I thought you were over her?”  

“I don’t think I’ll ever be over her. Not completely.” His eyes lingered on the pair smiling and laughing before standing up. “I’m going to go down to the Quidditch Pitch, I’ll see you guys later.” 

They waited for him to be out of earshot before speaking.

“He loves her, doesn’t he?” Peter asked, looking over at James’ empty seat.

“I think he might,” was Remus’ response. 

* * *

“Has James been acting weird?” Lily asked as she moved to sit across from Sirius. “Do you think he knows?”

“Of course he doesn’t, love,” Sirius sent a teasing wink at her. “James is oblivious.”

Lily wasn’t so sure about that as she pushed her hair away in frustration. She could feel his hazel eyes on her. Shivers were going down her spine from the feeling of his gaze. A slight blush appeared on her face that she tried to hide from her friend. “Are you sure he doesn’t know, because he keeps looking at us.” She twirled a bit of her hair absentmindedly, curling it around her finger and releasing it once more. 

“Lily, he doesn’t know.” Her mouth opened to object when she felt a body sit down beside her. “Hello, James.” She smiled at him softly, her eyes darting to Sirius’ in panic.

The glance wasn’t missed by James as his eyes narrowed, shifting between the pair with unspoken accusations before settling with, “What are you two hiding?”

Sirius rolled his eyes at the dramatic look on his face, “We’re not hiding anything, Prongs.”

James looked at them in disbelief which was quickly replaced by a look of disappointment. Lily hated that look that only caused her to feel guilty about hiding this from him, but Sirius had assured her it would be worth it. James sighed before walking off, only stopping to look at them with a sad glance, not realising what today was.

“Sirius,” Lily protested as she watched him walk away.

Sirius ignored her momentarily as an owl landed in the place James had vacated. “Not another word, Evans,” he said as he took the parcel from the owl, giving it a piece of bacon as a reward. 

“But he’s not supposed to be upset.” Her green eyes looked into his grey ones, pleading with him to see things from her perspective.

He sighed and looked at her sympathetically. “Lil, James is my best friend, my brother. I wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. He’ll find out tonight, so your innocent conscious will return.”

She pouted before hesitantly agreeing. The hazel-eyed boy still in her thoughts. 

* * *

Lily examined her outfit in the mirror, giving a small twirl as April applauded her from her bed.

“You look gorgeous, Lil.” She wiggled her eyebrows teasingly, “Does it by any chance have to do with a hazel-eyed Chaser?”

Lily stuck out her tongue at the other girl as she turned back to the mirror. She had discarded her black robes in favour of a simple white skirt with black stockings and a plain red shirt that she tucked into the skirt. She also wore white ballet shoes; her hair tied back with a gold ribbon.

“Let’s go,” Lily said before dragging April down into the Gryffindor Common Room where a crowd of people stood. Red and gold decorations covering every surface of the room, including a few of the younger years. She could hear a ruckus coming from outside the portrait of the Fat Lady. Her eyes met with Sirius' who looked impatient at the final portion of his plan.

Lily motioned for April to follow her as made her way towards him. “Where are they,” she asked, her eyes scanning the room.

“They’re–” he began before being cut off by someone stumbling in. “They’re here.” His eyes had gone wide with his lips twitching upward in amusement. Lily turned around as April let out a soft gasp. An inaudible groan was released from Lily’s mouth as she saw a drunk James stumbling over to them followed by Remus and Peter. The other people look awkwardly about, not knowing what to do. That didn’t stop them, however, from whispering to whoever was next to them about the bespectacled boy. 

He stood so close to her that she could smell the firewhisky on his breath. Placing one hand on her arm and another on Sirius’, he said loudly (although James believed himself to be whispering), “If you two want to date, you have my blessing.” His eyes looked at her sadly, “Not that you need it. I just, I love you both, and if you’re in love the least you can do is tell me instead of lying to me. Who am I to stand in the way of true love?” His words were slightly slurred with a hint of bitterness that was uncharacteristic of him, but all the same, it was said.

Lily could hear the gossiping voice rising as she glanced at Sirius who started laughing. She let herself giggle as well she took in the drunken boy who wore his glasses on his face lopsided. She touched his face gently, moving to adjust his glasses. “I’m not dating Sirius, James. I actually have taste,” she said the last part teasingly, giving a slight nudge to the other boy.

“Happy birthday,” Sirius added in between his laughter. The rest of the room wished James a good birthday as well before contenting themselves in enjoying the party.

Lily excused James and herself from their friends before dragging him to a corner of the room. Her cheeks reddened as she saw Sirius wink at her suggestively. “I’d offer you some of the firewhisky I nicked from Sirius if I didn’t think you had enough for one day,” she remarked, easing them into a conversation.  

He grinned at her bashfully. “So you’re not dating?” His speech was slower, trying to understand what he had accepted for a fact.

“No, you prat,” she giggled at the expression on his face. “I’m not really into guys who are the obvious type of handsome and are typically graceful. My type seems to be clumsy idiots.” She kissed his cheek lightly, pulling away and biting her bottom lip. “Find me when you’re sober. You still owe me that dance.”

James nodded absentmindedly, a grin on his face that was only partly due to the newfound information.

“And James?”

“Yeah,” he heard himself say.

“Happy birthday.”

* * *

**May 1977**

James paced the around the dorm as he once more questioned Sirius.  
  
"And you’re sure she said she missed beetles?"  
  
Sirius restrained a smirk, "Absolutely, Prongs. She was telling Eliot that she missed _the Beatles_ and couldn’t wait to go home to them again."  
  
James ruffled his hair. "I guess it makes sense. Lily does like going outdoors a lot.”

James threw himself onto his bed, sighing softly. His glasses were pressing into his nose, but he didn't bother removing them.

He rolled over to face Sirius again, “Want to go in the Forbidden Forest and collect beetles with me?” His voice was soft as he pleaded with his hazel eyes. The look that only really worked on Lily Evans, Minerva Mcgonagall, and Euphemia Potter.

Sirius threw a pair of Peter’s dirty socks at him, laughing as James batted them away in disgust. “Although that sounds like a brilliant way to spend my morning, I was thinking you could take Evans with you. You know, you've been spending more time with her lately, so it should be fun.”

James sent a grin at him that almost made Sirius feel guilty. _Almost_.

* * *

“James, where are we going?” Lily’s leg struggled to keep up as he dragged her through the corridors, only glancing back to throw a smile at her that compelled her to follow him. Lily knew that smile would be the death of her and really couldn’t find it in herself to feel sorry when it made him look like an over energized child.

“Padfoot said he overheard you telling April that you missed beetles, so I thought we could go get some from the Forbidden Forest.” He sounded so proud of himself.

She was about to open her mouth to tell him that she did not in fact miss any type of insects, but he decided to pause in his strut and look at her with those eyes that should be illegal. No pair of eyes should be allowed to look that big and shine that bright.

“Of course, beetles,” she did her best attempt at a smile that wasn’t so hard when he was looking at her like _that_. She was going to kill Sirius Black for this, she thought as she once more let him reclaim her hand in his and continue in their adventure.

* * *

**July 1977**

Sirius watched as James paced in front of the Potter Manor several times in anticipation of one Lily Evans. 

“James,” Sirius said teasingly as he saw Remus and Peter seated down in the distance, enjoying the beauty that was Wales. “Evans isn’t going to get here any quicker if you make a hole in the ground.”

“Shut it,” was his eloquent response as he continued in his nervous pacing. Fortunately, for James, Emma and Fleamont Potter weren’t around to see their son beside himself over the pretty Gryffindor. It would only have resulted in endless teasing and humiliation for James that would have had him hiding from his _something_ —he was never quite sure how to define his relationship with her—for weeks. Yes, it was definitely better that they were still vacationing in Spain and had allowed the boys to return early.

James’ hazel eyes once more took in the surroundings as he heard the sound of someone apparating into the garden. He saw a flash of red hair before a pair of arms were thrown around his neck, accompanied with a kiss to the cheek.

“Hi, James,” she whispered into his neck.

“Hullo, Evans,” his voice cracked a bit on the last sound as he continued to hold her for longer than one would a mere friend.

She gently pulled away from him. Her face was a pretty rosy pink that James thought was really becoming of her. He wouldn’t mind being the cause of it more frequently. A comfortable silence filled the air as they stood there grinning bashfully at the other.

“Thanks for inviting me to the Quidditch match,” she said as she looked up at him. 

James was momentarily distracted as a piece of her hair fell in front of her face. Without much thought, James brushed the strand away, tucking it behind her ear carefully. “It was no problem, Lily,” he continued discussing the previous topic as if his heart wasn’t about to jump out his chest at the adorable blush once more coated her cheeks. “It would be a tragedy if you began your seventh-year at Hogwarts without ever attending a professional Quidditch match.”

“Oh, yes,” she said as she linked their arms together and headed towards their friends, “the worst of tragedies.”

* * *

**September 1977**

Lily gave her mother a long hug and kissed her father softly on the cheek with promises to write before she was pushing her trolley through platform nine and three-quarters. Her eyes scanning the crowd for a messy black hair and lopsided glasses. The butterflies in her stomach fluttering wildly as she thought of the clumsy troublemaker she had taken a fancy to and what had almost occurred over the summer. She blushed at the thought, really it wouldn’t do her any good to think of it. 

A gasp escaped her lips as she felt someone grab her by the waist. “Already avoiding me, Evans,” said the familiar voice.

She turned around as he released her, her face once more reddened as he gave her a knowing look. Instead of kicking him as she was half-tempted to do, she shook her head slightly and smiled at him “Hello, Sirius,” she said before turning to his other two companion, “How are you, Remus, Peter?” A frown made its way onto her face as she noticed the fourth member of their group was missing. “Where’s James?”

SIrius looked at her in amusement, letting her know that he obviously thought he knew something she didn’t. “You know Prongs, he’s just prancing about.”

She glared at him before looking at Remus for a response. Lily noticed his lip twitching slightly upward, “Like Sirius said, he’s dashing around the place.” 

She groaned before looking innocently at the last member, “Peter?”

He smiled at her before saying, “It’s more of a stagger.”

“Useless, all of you,” this proclamation was followed by Lily storming off with her luggage (despite not really being angry), leaving the abandoned trolley to the boys. 

“Did you notice she didn’t even ask how I was?”

Sirius’ remark was instantly forgotten as she arrived in the Heads’ Compartment. A pair of hands covered her eyes as she walked in, the familiar smell alerting all her other senses to the boy. “Guess who?” He deepened his voice as he whispered into her ear, causing Lily to giggle as she played along.

“Adam Mumps,” Lily said in faux surprise.

“No,” she could hear the pout in his voice as he told her to try again.

“Can you give me a hint?” Shivers went down her back as she felt his breath on her neck.

“I’m tall, charming, have irresistible hair.”

She laughed, “Hmm, Sirius?”

James released her, “You’re mean.” His fingers brushed her hair lightly, “Are you ever going to let me forget that?”

“That you thought I was dating your best friend and that we were so _in love_?” Another laugh escaped her lips, “Never.” She paused for a moment as she felt his gaze lingering on her. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?”

“I can’t be here to see my favourite redhead?” Her stomach fluttered at his words, but she knew him well enough to know when he wanted to be distracting.

“Of course you can, but what’s the real reason?”

He eyed her like a deer caught in the headlights, his hazel eyes widening as he fumbled in his robes for something. A badge. He showed it to her timidly as if scared of her reaction. 

“I’m Head Boy, I think Professor Dumbledore might have had a bit too much firewhisky when he made the decision. I mean, you’re brilliant, the best choice, but–” Lily’s arms wrapped around his neck, cutting off his rambling voice. “Are you trying to suffocate me? I think that’s still illegal, even by wizarding standards.”

“James,” she laughed, tightening her hold on him, “ _Please stop talking_.”

He let his arms go around her waist, nuzzling into her neck softly.

“You’re going to be a brilliant Head Boy, James. You’re amazing, and I will hex you if you say otherwise.” She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before pulling away. “I have complete faith in you.”

He smiled at her, the smile that set her nerves on fire. The one she knew she would do anything to be able to keep looking at it forevermore. 

* * *

Lily felt as if her stomach was being repeatedly knotted and unknotted as she went over what she had rehearsed the night before–and the nights, weeks, and months before that. She had lost her nerves many times before and swore to herself and April (mostly April) that she would finally do it. People did it all the time, Lily rationalised. Really, it couldn’t be that hard. 

But he had pretty eyes, the smitten portion of her brain reminded her. How was she supposed to tell him how she felt when he had eyes that could distract someone enough to unintentionally fall off the Earth had it been flat?

The pretty eyes were looking at her as she opened her mouth to speak. No sound came out.

The corner of his mouth curved up into a smile as he took her hand in his. “What’s on your mind, Lily?”

She could feel her cheeks reddening under his gaze. “I heard Hazel owled you a few times during the summer holidays.”

“She did, yes.” He swung their hands lightly before asking, “Why?” 

Moving her hair with her unoccupied hand, she avoided looking into his eyes. “Sirius might have mentioned it to me,” she mumbled shyly. 

Confusion was written all over his face as he pulled her to a stop. She stood still as he looked her up and down in his attempt to figure her out. Sirius was James’ brother in all but blood and had never made it a habit, as far James was concerned, to disclose any of his relationship (or potential) to anyone without reason, even if that reason was to simply embarrass him.

“Why would Padfoot bother telling you that Hazel owled me?” It was times like this that made Lily wonder whether James was really this oblivious or just an idiot. She was pretty sure the professors were more aware of her feelings for James than James himself was.

“Are you interested in her?” He cupped her face with one of his hands, causing her to look into his eyes. The eyes that made her ramble for hours on end.

“I’m not interested in her, Lil. I wrote back to be polite.” Silence filled the corridor for a moment. “Was that what was bothering you? Did you think I’d go off with Hazel and forget all of you?”

“Not exactly,” she uttered quietly. “You’re too loyal for that.” Turning her back on him, she let out a deep breath. “What would say if I told you I didn’t want to be friends or not _just_ friends?” James was about to speak when she continued, “Because really you’re funny and smart and loyal and handsome and your eyes are bound to make me do something stupid one of these days, you know? And whenever you sit or stand too close, I get these annoying fluttery feelings, and I have to resist the urge to move closer. You really do drive me mad, James.”

James smiled at her rambling and looked down at her fondly despite not being able to understand anything she had said. “Lily, love, usually we breathe in between talking.”

“Don’t be a prat,” she said softly.

“Sorry, I can’t help it.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “Now, will you say that again but slower?”

She leant her back against him aware that she was taking a big risk, even if April and Sirius assured her otherwise. “I mean if you don’t have a date to Hogsmeade maybe you’d like to go with me,” she said carefully as she turned to face him. 

He stared at her just as cautiously. “I thought we had already agreed to go together? With the lads?”

Part of her wanted to laugh it off and tell him that of course that’s what she meant, but she couldn’t. Not this time. She took his hand in hers. “As a date, James. Just you and me.”

His eyes widened for a moment, his mouth forming a small ‘o’ before a giant grin appeared on his face.

“I think that can be arranged.” He blushed as he looked down in a rare moment of bashfulness. “But I’d prefer a date that wasn’t almost a month away. How about you pick me up at seven on Saturday when we don’t have to patrol?”

Laughter filled the seventh floor. “Aren’t _you_ supposed to pick _me_ up?”

“It’s the seventies, Evans.” A glint of mischief was evident in his eyes. “Get with the times.” 

“Pick me up at seven, Potter.” With a kiss on the cheek, she jogged to the portrait of the Fat Lady. Had she turned around she would have seen the smitten boy she had left behind with a love-struck smile and a hand to his cheek.

* * *

James stood there for minutes after he left, the smile never leaving his face. He had a date with Lily Evans.

He let out a carefree laugh, ruffling his hair as he walked up to the Fat Lady and uttering the password. Making his way up to the boys’ dormitory, he couldn’t help but stare longingly at the staircase leading up to where the girls resided, where _Lily_ was. 

He clumsily climbed up the boys’ stairs and hopped onto a bed that wasn’t his own.

“Padfoot, wake up,” he said, shaking his best friend’s shoulder as he tried to banish James. It was probably a good thing that Sirius had stopped sleeping with his wand last year.

“Go away,” Sirius groaned into his pillow.

“What are you doing, Prongs,” Remus’ tired voice asked.

“I have a date.” James felt a pillow hit his back. “Now that wasn’t very nice, Wormy,” he said in disapproval. The grin on his face, however, contradicted his statement.

“Let us sleep,” Peter moaned.

James looked around the room unimpressed with the responses from his friends. “I have a date with Lily. You could be a little supportive.”

“It’s past midnight, I can’t be supportive until nine in the morning.”

“Wait,” Sirius yelled as he quickly sat up. “You have a date with Lily?” A genuine smile appeared on his face, and James could almost imagine him wagging his tail back and forth had he been in his animagus form. Jumping out of bed, he went to the cupboard and retrieved a bottle. “It’s about bloody time.” His grey eyes softened as he look at James. “Get up, lads, we need to make toast.”

“Padfoot, it’s too late to drink,” Remus said. Even so, he made his way to them. Peter following as he rubbed at his eyes.

“If anything, it’s technically too early.” His eyes shifted to James who sat on the bed in contentment. Sirius grabbed his wand and made four glasses appear, pouring each of them a fair amount of the amber liquid.

“To James,” he began. “Our little fawn is finally bucking up.”

Taking a shot of the drink, James snorted. 

Remus smiled softly at James. “What Sirius means is congratulations.” His lips twitched, “Although, I’m afraid you’ll no longer be going stag.”

“Is that the best you have, Moony,” James asked teasingly. “I expected better of you.”

“But Remus is right, Prongs.” Peter looked down in false sadness. “But it’s important that you know that you’ll always be our deer friend.” 

The other three laughed, but James’ attention had gone elsewhere.

“To Lily,” James sighed dreamily, ignoring all else but thoughts of the girl who had captivated him since he was fifteen.  

* * *

**October 1977**

“You do realise Blake fancies you?” His breath tickled her ear slightly as he watched the sixth-year Ravenclaw walking in the opposite direction from where Lily and he were meant to be patrolling. He eyed the boy with apprehension as he turned the corner. 

“Not every boy who talks to me fancies me, James.” The corner of her mouth turned down as her face reddened slightly. “And what does it matter if Lucas Blake fancies me?” A pout graced her face, as she carefully avoided his eyes.

He paused in his walk, “What’s wrong, Lil?” His face lowered to look into her sad green eyes. Gently he placed a hand on Lily’s face, letting his thumb lightly brush her bottom lip. A soft gasp escaped her mouth as her eyes flashed momentarily before she looked away from him once more. “Lily, love?”

Her lips let out a subdued sigh before turning to him. “What am I to you, James?” He stared at her oddly, attempting to raise an eyebrow at her. She let out an exasperated sound before adding, “Am I your friend? More than a friend?” She paused before continuing with a vulnerable voice, “Do you still fancy me?” He let her keep talking because not only did she look adorable as she rambled, but he knew she needed to let everything out before it began eating at her. “Because we’ve been on three dates which I thought went great–” (He stayed silent, not adding that their first date was in the Hospital Wing). “–yet you haven’t done anything about it. You haven’t kissed me, you haven’t asked me to be your girlfriend, or told me you don’t feel that way anymore.” He let out an almost inaudible gasp at the way her eyes shined. She looked so beautiful.

“What are we, James?” 

He resisted smirking down at her in the way he normally would have. Instead, he looked at her with tender eyes and placed his hand in her hair, letting it stroke her soft red locks. “Lily, Lily, Lily,” he softly chanted. “I thought it was obvious. It’s so obvious to everyone else, Cariad.” A blush covered his neck and face as he let out his next words, “I’m courting you, Lil.” 

He couldn’t tell what she was thinking as she whispered the word _courting_ as if it were a foreign concept. “You’re special to me, Lily. You’re not just some girl, and my parents always said you only court the special ones.” The blush spread to his ears. “You know, to show that you respect them and that you’re serious about forming a relationship with them. I thought you knew.”

“I thought maybe you didn’t like me in that manner anymore.” Her eyes looked up at him, a smile on her face.

James chuckled before leaning down to whisper in her ear, “Can you keep a secret?” She shivered before slowly nodding her head. “You’re it for me, Lily Evans.”

* * *

**November 1977**

 “To Padfoot,” James cheered as he raised his glass of firewhisky in toast.

“To the annoying brother, I never wanted,” Lily said, touching her glass to his. Sirius snorted as he took another shot of the amber liquid.

“To the biggest prat I ever met,” Peter said, taking a careful sip before putting the glass down.

“To the mutt,” Remus said teasingly, throwing back the shot. The three other men laughed as Lily shook her head at the joke, not quite understanding it.

“What lovely friends,” Sirius pouted dramatically. “Is that anyway to treat me on my birthday?” His grey eyes turned to James. “I thought they loved me, Prongs?”

“Nah, they’re just in it for your inheritance.” Sirius threw a chip at him in protest.

“Is that why Evans is dating you?” His eyes roamed over to the redhead snuggling into his friend’s side.

“Of course,” she said as James kissed the top of her head sweetly. “The Prat would annoy me too much otherwise.”

“Liar.” James pulled on a strand of hair gently. “You adore me.”

“Maybe,” she consented, giggling into her drink before drinking the rest as it refilled automatically. 

“Come dance with me, Evans?” Sirius didn’t wait for a response as he dragged Lily away to a vacant area of floor. James eyes never left her figure as he watched Sirius twirl her around to the music. He watched her laugh vivaciously by Sirius' side, her curly hair swooshing around her face.

He could have watched her all day, he thought as he heard the sounds of Remus and Peter talking, yet he was unable to take anything in but the lively Lily Evans. He grinned into his drink as he saw what seemed to be her letting out an unladylike word at Sirius who grinned in faux bashfulness. Really, it was no wonder he loved her. Oh. He loved her. He grinned wider at that thought, sending her a lopsided grin as she sent him a look of hopelessness accompanied with an adorable pout. He really was a goner.

* * *

**J** **anuary 1978**

The week had held so much potential, yet perhaps that potential was never meant to be fulfilled. Really they both should have known better than to believe that something could go right for this long. Was it really a surprise that this all story began with a love story gone to ruins?

* * *

It started on the Friday of the week that they came back from the winter holidays. James believed they had been progressing in their relationship. He even believed that maybe she loved him. He had been a fool.

He should have expected it though, but perhaps love really does make you blind. He was halfway there anyways.

* * *

Teasing kisses had been exchanged that morning, like any other, as they made their way to Potions. His hand in hers as Sirius made jokes about how they were joined at the hips. He couldn’t help but grin at him, however, as his eyes shifted to his cariad who was chatting away with Remus. 

Pulling away his hand, he moved it to her waist, pulling her in closer. He caught her eye and grinned before giving her a quick kiss on the cheeks, accidentally moving her pointed hat in the process.

She giggled before adjusting it accordingly. “Just because you hate wearing yours doesn’t mean you should mess with mine.”

“But it gets in the way of your lovely hair,” he teased, drawing circles on her waist (or the robes over her waist).

Biting on her bottom lip, she said, “Shut it, Potter.” She paused in her walk, letting the other two walk ahead of them. Glancing back, Sirius sent a wink at them before following after Remus.

Disentangling herself from him, she laughed and said, “You’re an idiot, you prat. Did you know that?” 

He walked closer to her, causing her to walk backwards until her back hit the wall. “You remind me at least once a week.” His licked his lips briefly, drawing Lily’s attention to them.

Her voice was playful but her eyes gave away her desire, “Who else would remind you?” She stood on her toes, placing her hand behind his neck, playing with the baby hairs there. “I’m doing you a favour really, otherwise you would have to find another way to ride that broomstick of yours.” 

James threw his head back. Lily loved watching him laugh, it never failed to draw a smile to her face. “I think you’re more worried that I wouldn’t be able to snog you.” He wrapped a hand around her waist, letting the other one cradle her face.

Her eyes were shining as she resisted laughing, “Oh, of course, that’s obviously why I’m with you.”

He glanced over his shoulder, before leaning down to kiss her. “Knew it,” he mumbled as he pulled her tightly against him. His fingers dug into her cheek softly, eliciting a soft whimper from his girlfriend.

“Always knew the _Mudblood_ was a _slag_.” They pulled away at the voice of Atreus Avery. “Tell me, Potter, have you shagged her yet?”

“James, don’t do something stupid,” she whispered urgently as she felt him tense up. He made no reply as he turned around, his hand reaching for hers.

“I’m sorry, Avery, did you say something?” His voice challenged the boy to say anything before glancing at his three other companions, Severus Snape, Thomas Flint and Marcus Mulciber. “I suggest you save your comments for your little Death Eater parties, maybe you’ll find someone there who actually cares.”

“Let’s go,” Lily said, glaring at Slytherins while also avoiding Snape’s gaze. Snape who was looking at them both with anger in his eyes. “I don’t want to be late.” She pulled James along, her hand tight in his as they ignored the comments shouted at them.

“Bloody purist,” James mumbled as he took his seat next to Lily’s, earning him a look from Sirius and Remus.

Lily placed a supportive hand on his arm, “Ignore them. They just want to get a rise out of you.”

“I don’t know how you do it, Cariad.” He turned to her, “Must be because you’re just so amazing.”

She blushed, “Flattery will get you everywhere.”

Sirius laughed, “I think the saying is _nowhere_ , Lil.”

She winked at him teasingly before kissing James’ cheek, “I’ll go get our supplies.”

* * *

 That night, three animagi and a werewolf had snuck out to the kitchen to celebrate their last term at Hogwarts. 

“What do you think it’ll be like after Hogwarts?” Peter asked as he spooned ice-cream into his mouth. “Do you think it’ll be the same?” 

“Prongsie here,” Sirius began winking at James and gently nudging him, “Will obviously marry our favourite redhead and have many black-haired, green-eyed children and name me godfather to all.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Padfoot,” Remus admonished, “I’m sure some of them will be have Lily’s red hair.”

James laughed before a love-struck smile graced his face, “She’s great. Absolutely amazing.”

The other three exchanged a look. “So have you told her you’re hopelessly in love with her yet?” Sirius asked, a knowing grin spreading across his face.

“Not yet, I’ll do it soon. Her birthday’s coming up. I’m sure I’ll get the courage to do so before then. I mean, it’s Lily. It needs to be special.”

Sirius laughed, “That’s what you said about asking her to be your girlfriend, and need I remind you that I was the one who had to hear from Lily for most of October about how you were such an idiot and if you were no longer interested in her because you wouldn’t kiss her.”

“Tosser,” James blushed, tossing a crisp at him.

“I’m a bit tired, I think I’ll head out.” Remus said an hour later.

Peter stood up, rubbing his eyes. “I’ll go with you. I’m a bit knackered too.”

Remus eyed them, “Are you two staying?”

James looked at Sirius who shrugged nonchalantly. “Yeah, just for a bit.” He grabbed something from behind him and tossed it to Remus, “Take the cloak.”  

“All right, be careful,” he said before following behind Peter.

* * *

Another hour passed before James and Sirius decided to call it a night and left the house-elves to themselves, declining their many offers of food to take with. 

They had barely left the kitchen when they ran into Regulus Black and Severus Snape.

Sirius glared at his brother, yet James could tell that part of him wanted to talk to him, wanted to take him away from the influence of the other Slytherins, but James knew it was too late. He could see the way Sirius’ jaw tensed and the fearful look on Regulus’ face. The last thing James needed was to handle another fight between the two brothers or for Snape to have another thing to hold over Sirius.

“Let’s go, Padfoot,” James said, placing a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. James really had had every intention of taking Sirius and walking away, too bad that Snape never knew when to mind his own business.

Snape sneered, “Where are you going, Potter?”

“I have better things to do, Snape. You know, place to go, people to see.” James smirked as he turned around, briefly glancing at Sirius whose eyes remain fixated on his brother. “I suppose you wouldn’t know how that feels.”

Snape glared at him as James turned around, pulling Sirius away. “Frankly, you’re just not worth my time,” James called over his shoulder as Sirius let out a doglike laugh, muttering something to James that caused a smirk to appear on his face.

But Snape was done being ridiculed by the likes of Potter and Black, especially in front of the younger Black brother.

He was tired of watching Lily prance about with the arrogant prat like his trophy, like she was _his_. She wasn’t Potter’s, she was Severus’, she would always be Severus’. _And he hated her for it._

So he did the one thing he’d been longing to do since they returned from the holidays, he raised his wand against James Potter. Against the one who had turned Lily against him. 

The hex hit his back, stopping the laughter from the two arrogant Gryffindors. Snape’s lips curled as they turned to face him. Fire burned in Potter’s eyes, and Snape felt pleasure in the anger that emitted from the other boy, felt pleasure in knowing he hadn’t changed, that Lily couldn’t really love the toerag who had found pleasure in ruining his life. No, Potter just had her fooled, but all Severus had to do was show Lily who Potter really was.

He felt Regulus shift uneasily as his brother glared at him, blaming him for Severus’ action before turning to Severus himself.

“Scared, Potter,” he taunted them. 

James scowled at him, raising his wand. “A lot of talk for someone who doesn’t say shite when Lily’s around.”

“What does _Evans_ have to do with anything?” Snape snarled out, forcing himself to call her by her surname as he aimed a spell at Potter. He could hear Black patronising Regulus.

“I think we both know, Lily has _everything_ to do with this.” He blocked the spell. “Tell me, Snape, did Lily ever realise you fancied her? Do your Death Eater friends realise you have feelings for a Muggle-born?” James’ eyes darkened as he looked at Snape. “You never deserved her friendship, you know? Lily’s too kind for someone like you, you only ever hurt her.” 

Snape aimed another spell at him, that James once again managed to block. “You think you deserve Lily Evans, Potter? You’ll never really know her.” His nostrils flared. “You don’t deserve her.”

“No one deserves Lily, she isn’t a thing you deserve, Snape.” A muscle in his jaw twitched, “You’re pathetic.”

James became momentarily distracted as his eyes shifted to Sirius who was looking at his brother’s left arm in horror. James was in the process of turning when he felt a spell cut across the skin at his side. 

James’ hand instantly went to his side where blood began soaking through his robes. He heard as Sirius pushed his brother against the wall before stalking past James and grabbing Snape, forcefully shoving him against the wall. James could already imagine Sirius’ grey eyes flashing.

“Padfoot, let’s go.” James gritted his teeth. Sirius pulled his wand at Snape, petrifying him with a spell. “Watch yourself,” he uttered menacingly, letting him fall to the ground before aiming another spell at his face.  

“Let’s get you to Poppy, James.” He watched as he eyed his mate’s injury.

“Do me a favour, Sirius,” James said once they were near the Hospital Wing. “Don’t tell Lily.”

* * *

 

It was Saturday when Lily had the misfortune of running into Snape while she was in the library studying with April. 

“Lily,” April whispered to her, avoiding the wrath of Madam Pince who would snap at anyone who so much as dropped a quill in the library. “Snape is staring at you.”

“I don’t care,” Lily said, ignoring the look the other girl was sending her. “He’s walking over here.”

Lily groaned. “I thought I made things clear in fifth and sixth-year.” She bit her lip pensively before Snape had managed to approach her.

“Lily,” he called to her.

“What do you want, Severus?” She didn’t waste her time in looking at him but continued in flipping the page. “I thought I made it clear that I want nothing to do with you.” 

“It’s important.”

She rolled her eyes, finally looking up at him and noticing a purple bruise on his face. She contemplated it for a moment, agreeing solely out of curiosity. “Fine, but make it quick. I’m meeting James in a bit.” She knew she shouldn’t have mentioned her boyfriend, but part of her felt particularly vindictive whenever she saw him; she hated feeling this way. 

She followed him outside the library, keeping her distance. “What did you want?” A frown graced her lips, “Surprised you’re not trying to hide me. Aren’t you scared your little Death Eater pals will see us together and get the wrong idea? Wouldn’t want them to think you’re being civil to a Mudblood, now would we?”

“I apologised for that,” he protested.

Lily let out a bitter laugh. “Oh, yes, a half-hearted apology where and when no one else could see you, how _inconvenient_ for you.” Her eyes met his, “Let’s be honest, Severus, your pride would have never been able to take that hit.”

Snape sneered, “What about Potter’s pride?”

Lily glowered at him, “ _James_ ,” her voice softened slightly at his name, it disgusted Snape. “Can apologise when he’s wrong. I find it a very enduring trait.”

“He’s not who you think he is, Lily.” His words came out quickly, “He’s an arrogant prat, and he’s deceiving you.”

She drew in a deep breath, “He grew up. People change. Sometime for the better.” She looked at him sadly, “Sometimes for the worst.”

“He hasn’t changed.” His voice was final. “He still hexes me, you know? Where do you think I got the bruise? He’s always going to be the arrogant toerag, Lily. I just don’t want him making a fool out of you. He’s hiding more from you than you think.”

With that he walked away, knowing the seed of doubt had been placed.

* * *

 

They worked quiet as James sorted out the next month’s patrol schedule, and Lily worked out the past week’s point deductions, making sure the prefects weren’t being too hard or lenient in order to favour their houses.

Lily resisted laughing as she got to the pile filled out by James, who made the comments extra amusing when he knew it was Lily’s turn to oversee points. Indeed, the first one listed was ten points deducted from a sixth-year Ravenclaw who “couldn’t pick a better place to try and shag his girlfriend.” She let out a small snort which was eerie in the silence of the evening, something that didn’t go unnoticed by James. 

“You’re quiet tonight, Lil,” his eyes looked her over. “Is something bothering you?”

She almost denied it before Snape’s word replayed in her head. “Are you keeping secrets from me, James?” 

He looked at her, shocked. “I–Everyone has secrets, Lily. Secrets aren’t necessarily a bad thing.”

Lily didn’t know whether she would have rather had him lie to her about having secrets or not. “What are you hiding?” She felt an anxiety that she had been denying all evening overwhelm her. “What is it?”

His eyes gave away his indecisiveness, but he seemed to come to a decision. “I can’t tell you that.” 

“Do you still hex Severus? He said you did.” Her voice was coming out in small pants, “Did you?” 

He stood up from his seat, his eyebrows knitting in confusion. “The better question is: do you believe him?”

Her eyes scanned his, taking in the boy she had grown to love. Part of her knew the truth, she thought, but the other part was scared. “I don’t know.”

Disappointment clouded his eyes followed by anger, hurt, and betrayal. “You don’t know whether you trust me?”

“No, I–” she was lost, “I don’t know.” She had already trusted one person beyond reason, put all her faith in him and in the end been let down. “Just tell me the truth, James.”

She saw his jaw clench, his eyes that were usually playful and loving darkened. “The truth is that we shouldn’t be together if you don’t trust me.”

She felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. “The truth is that you’re always going to believe him over me, aren’t you, Lily?” She had no answer as her lips parted softly, nothing coming out.

“I’m never going to be good enough, am I?”

“James, don’t,” her eyes began tearing up. “I–”

“What’s the point in being with someone who you can’t count on to trust you. I can be second to many people, Lily, but not to you. I can’t come second to you when,” his voice broke, “when it comes down to it you’ll always take his side, always see him as the defenceless boy you knew.”

A tear rolled down his face that was quickly wiped away. “Just so you know, I didn’t hex him.” He pulled up the Muggle jumper he had on up, touching the spot where a scar lied. “He hexed me.”

Grabbing the patrol schedule he had been working on he said, “I think we’re done. With us.” He turned around, not letting her see the tears that had begun rolling down his face, “Good-bye, Evans.”

She sat there for awhile, not letting the breakup sink in until it was too late to run after him. Tears streamed down her face, her green eyes rimmed with red. _What have I done_ , she thought.

* * *

 

“James,” Sirius said as he watched his friend in a similar position. His hazel eyes surrounded by red, his hair more frazzled than usual. “You love her, and she loves you. I know it. Merlin, I barely believe in love, and I know you two have it.” 

James scoffed as Peter and Remus exchanged worried glances. “I can’t love her, Padfoot, because how do you love someone you barely know? And she can’t love me; you can’t love someone you don’t trust.”

* * *

 

It had been over two weeks. Two, long disastrous weeks that had made James hate Severus Snape more than he ever had before. Jame knew he was being irrational (if only somewhat). He also knew that it if Lily had wanted to trust him she would have.

She had tried approaching him, but he was, ashamed to admit it, avoiding her. Could anyone really blame him? The answer was yes, Sirius was definitely vocalising the fact that he thought James to be a huge idiot whose only accomplishment as of late was the fact that he didn’t take back the cat he had given Lily for Christmas. Lily had asked Sirius to tell James if he wanted Godric back since they were no longer in a relationship. In spite of his love for the cat, he could have never taken it away from her; he had seen the way her face lit with adoration for the animal when James had given it to her on Boxing Day. Her eyes had shone a wonderful green as she tested out names before claiming him Godric the Second, after James’ first cat that he, to this day, claims was kidnapped by garden gnomes.

In two days it would be three weeks since the incident, in four it would be her birthday and each day it made the distance between them even greater. And his heart broke a bit more every single day that passed between them. But he couldn’t be near her just yet, no matter how much he wanted to just hold her and tell her they would be fine (honestly, he didn’t know if they would be).

“You know she regrets it?” Sirius said as they walked to Transfiguration. “She’s heartbroken, James.”

He sighed before turning to his best mate. “Padfoot, be a good dog and drop it.” Sirius’ lip twitched. “I care about Lily. I wish I didn’t, but I do. She didn’t trust me, and that’s not even the entire problem with us. The problem is that she took _his_ word over mine. She’ll always pick him over me, always take his side before mine when all he ever did was hurt her. I shouldn’t have to make her or wait for her to trust me, she should know me and know I wouldn’t lie to her.” He sighed, “I could have easily lied and said I didn’t have any secrets, but everyone has secrets. It’s not like I could tell her I can turn into a deer without telling her about Moony.”

Sirius’ fingers went to his temple, “Are you done rambling yet?” James nodded. “It’s not that she doesn’t want to trust you, Prongs. I just don’t think she knows how to. I think she’s tired of putting her faith in the wrong people and getting hurt because of it.” His eyes met James’. “Can you imagine what it would be like to have someone you trusted betray you in the way they promised they would never, then to be abandoned by more of your friends for being humiliated in front of most of the year? Let’s not even get started on her sister.”

“Yeah, Petunia’s a piece of work.”

Sirius glared at James. Sirius wondered whether he should either shove them in a closet and make them sort out their problems or perhaps just hit his mate with a bludger until he saw reason. Really, it probably wasn’t healthy for someone to be this invested in two people’s relationship. “Is that all you have to say?” 

“What do you want me to say, Padfoot? That I forgive her? Because I don’t. I need time.” Sirius frowned, giving him a dirty look. “Fine, I’ll think about it, okay?”

He sighed, “I suppose that’ll have to do for now.”

* * *

 

James knew he was a goner from the moment her eyes met his later that day in Defense Against the Dark Arts. They looked uncertain as she smiled shyly at him, he swore that smile had gotten James into more messes than he could count. Her pointed hat sat on her desk with her hair in a single plait. 

He turned away and took his usual seat in the back not watching as her smile fell from her face. Instead, James listened as Professor Flitwick rambled on about the Patronus Charm again. This had been their third lecture on it, and he was ready to start banging his head against his desk.  Instead of possibly damaging his braincells, James zoned out a bit having already read the material when Sirius, Peter, and he had been preparing to become animagi. He had also managed to accomplish the spell during the holidays when his father had hinted that he would be needing it soon.  

“James,” he heard Remus say in warning. James eyes had been, once more, shifting between looking at Lily and staring at their tiny professor in hopes of him being telepathic and understanding James’ extreme boredom–especially considering he had moved Sirius from next to him because they tended to talk too much.  

“I told Padfoot I’d think about it, so please don’t come lecturing me as well, Moony.”   

Remus complied with James’ wish for the next half-hour as Sirius and Peter had joined them for the practical part of the lesson.

“I’m just going to say one thing,” he continued as if they had never dropped the subject, which James supposed Remus never had. “You were wrong when you said she doesn’t love you,” his eyes shifted to Lily who had managed to produce a corporeal patronus that had James’ legs wobbling.

“A doe,” he whispered to himself as Flitwick began praising the redhead whose blush was evident from across the room. He could have sworn that he saw her looking at him again as he gaped at her. He felt more confused than ever before.

* * *

 

“You can pretend otherwise, Sirius, but James hates me.” Lily said that night, having snuck out to meet the boy in the Gryffindor Common Room. Pathetically enough, she was wearing one of his old Quidditch robes from a Puddlemere United match he had gone to see fifth-year. He had let Lily borrow it when she stayed over at his house–manor, really–during break. She had simply _forgotten_ to give it back. 

“He doesn’t hate you. He just doesn’t know what to do. James isn’t used to feeling insecure, and he doesn’t think you trust him.” He scooped a bit of ice-cream into his spoon before handing it back to Lily.

“Of course, I trust him. I just–I’m scared.” She let the spoon move around the ice-cream absently. “I’ve never trusted anyone with my heart, not like with James, you know? How do you just trust someone not to break it into tiny little pieces?”

“You’re asking the wrong person, love. I don’t trust many people, but James won’t ever want to hurt you, and, I guess, that’s the most important part. The way I see it is anyone who does break your heart will always be there to fix it.” He looked at her softly, “The same applies even if they weren’t the one to break it. James shouldn’t pay for someone else’s mistakes. You love him, so show him that it wasn’t all for nothing.” 

“For someone who doesn’t believe in love, you sure do give good advice,” she said as she stuffed her mouth with ice-cream.

“What can I say? I was born this amazing.” Lily laughed, handing back the empty tub of ice-cream back to him. “Thank you for listening and for not leaving me,” she got up and placed a kiss on his cheek. “I think I should head to bed, we have that surprise party I’m not supposed to know about tonight after all.”

“He planned it all, you know? Even after you two split he didn’t stop.”

Her face brightened as a smile appeared. “He’s amazing, isn’t he?”

* * *

 

“Aren’t you going to come down, James?” Peter asked as he was about to follow the noise that had begun an hour ago with the bottles of firewhisky from Sirius’ stash.

“To my ex-girlfriend’s surprise birthday party where I’ll have to see her look as gorgeous as ever and watch as guys drool over her?” His tone was skeptical as he raised looked at the blue-eyed boy. “I’d rather not.”

“Do you want me to stay?” Peter asked softly, looking at the usually animated boy sadly.

James shook his head, “Go enjoy the party, Pete.”

James stared at his the top of his bed for what seemed like hours before he heard the door opening.

“I told you, Padfoot, I’m not–” He cut himself off as he saw that instead of his best friend coming to pressure him into “having fun,” stood a girl with hair the color of fire and eyes that shone brighter than the stars. He supposed that it was only good manners for him to wish her a happy early birthday, but, frankly, he was distracted by the manner in which she was supporting herself with the door.

“All right, Evans?” He asked her, the lopsided smiled that regularly accompanied this phrase missing. He stood up as he noticed something that had escaped his notice before. “Are you pissed?” His eyes taking in the bottle of firewhisky as she giggled.

A pout appeared on her lips teasingly. “Maybe,” her voice was impish as she walked closer to him, stumbling in a way that was more typical of James (albeit without being intoxicated).

“Lily, what are you doing here?” Her eyes shut as she threw herself onto his bed. 

“Thinking.” He took the moment to take in her attire. He would have told her she was captivating had she been sober; he had always found her Muggle clothes quite alluring on her. It was modest enough for her comfort with the perfect amount of skin showing that always had James’ head spinning, but now was not the moment to think about that.

He looked back at her face, her eyes still closed. “Thinking about what?”

“Boys,” she had a frown on her face. “You.” Her eyes flashed open. “You weren’t there, but guys were flirting with me.” She nodded as if this was a new discovery.

“You’re a very beautiful girl, Lily,” he tried to hide the pain at her news. “Of course they were flirting.”

“You don’t get it,” she said it as if he was the one being difficult. “I didn’t want _them_ to be flirting with me. I wanted you, only you.” Her eyes teared up. “I was drinking to get courage. Sirius said it gives him courage.”

“Courage for what?” His heart was skipping as she stood up, she was close enough for him to count the freckles on her skin that were slightly hiding by the drunken blush.

“This.” Her lips were on his and as soon as they had been there, they were gone. “I love you.”

“You’ve had a few too many drinks,” he muttered, turning away.

“Debatable,” he let out a snort as he looked at her from under his eyelashes. “I love you. I do,” she said the last part as she saw him about to protest. “I love the way your hair looks like tumbleweed. I like it when you laugh and the way you like making everyone else laugh too. I love that you used to let me wear your glasses whenever I wanted to and how you scrunch up your nose. And you can’t ever sit still, I love everything about you.”

“Lily–”

“Do you?” Her eyes were watching his face carefully.

“Do I what?” He was finding it hard to breathe with her watching him with those big green eyes.

“Do you love me?”

He didn’t know how to respond. On one hand, he did love her, even if he didn’t want to and despite denying it to Sirius for the past few weeks. Yet did he really want to be having this conversation with an intoxicated Lily? 

He didn’t have to answer as the next moment she rushed into the boys’ bathroom. The contents of her stomach going down into the toilet. “Shh, shh,” he said as he pulled her hair back gently, stroking it soothingly. 

“I’m tired.”

He sighed but couldn’t feel any regret as he helped steady her before assisting her in washing her teeth.

“Feel better?”

“Mm…” She mumbled, snuggling further into his arms. “Let’s get you some rest.”

“Okay,” she crawled into James’ bed, moving closer to the wall to make room for him. “Come here.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Please?” She could have batted those eyes of her and gotten him to take out his own heart if she wanted him to. “Okay,” he replied as he tentatively got into bed.

She smiled at him sleepily, her hands moved to his face, hitting him gently before grabbing his glasses and placing them on her own face. She giggled. He looked at her with adoration. Oh, _bloody hell_ , he thought.

* * *

 

“James,” Lily said, brushing her hand against his gently. “Wake up.” 

“Hmm…” He rubbed his hands against his eyes, trying to drive the sleep away before his eyes focused on Lily. His lips parting to form an o-centered shape.

“Can we talk,” she blushed as he nodded. “Okay, so I love you. I wasn’t pissed when I said that. Well, I was, but I meant it. I do love you. I love you when you do every single thing that is just so you that it drives me crazy. And I’m sorry about the think with Severus. I’m just, I’m scared, James. I trust you, I really do. I just don’t want to get hurt, and I know you’d never want to hurt me, and I never want to hurt you. But that’s part of loving someone, right? Trusting them not to want to hurt you and to help you even if they do. Can we just–” James chuckled as she rambled on, but he did what felt right at the moment and just kissed her. His lips effectively cutting off her rambling as her mouth responded to his.

“Does this mean you forgive me?” Her mouth mumbled against his.

“Yeah,” he pulled away, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “I forgive you. I was an idiot.” He paused for a moment, “I promise to tell you every secret, big and small for the rest of my life, Lily. I just need time.”

“Okay,” she moved her forehead against him.

“Yeah?” he grinned leaning in once more to place a kiss against the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah,” she pressed herself closer to him. “I trust you.” 

* * *

 

 **February 1978**  

His back was against the bed as she straddled him, her teeth teasingly nibbling his neck in the way that drove him crazy. A groan escaped his mouth, causing a pleasant vibration against Lily’s neck as he proceeded to suck on one of her sensitive spots before moving his mouth to place kisses behind her ear.

“Not fair,” she whimpered slightly, pulling away.

A smirk graced his lip as he placed a small kiss on her lips. “You’re not fair.” Her mouth twitched unwillingly, really James shouldn’t be able to make her body, her heart, her soul, and every other fiber of her being react the way he did. She supposed that was part of being utterly smitten with the prat.

She was distracted once more as the tosser dug his fingers into her waist, bringing her closer. The wanker attacked her neck once more with open mouth kisses. The hand that wasn’t at her waist stroked up and down her spine; she shivered against him and felt the smile against her skin. She felt his glasses sliding down his face as he tried pushing it up using his face. Lily giggled, muffling them with kisses to his jaw before re-adjusting the glasses for him that earned her a kiss to her lips and a lopsided smile.

“Why do you wear them when we snog,” she asked against his lips. She let a small gasp escape as his mouth took in her bottom lip, nibbling on it briefly before pulling away to look at her with those beautiful eyes. 

The hand that had been on her back moved to touch her face lovingly. “Why would I miss the chance to see you like this?” His focus shifted to her collarbone briefly, flicking his tongue against it, her eyes fluttered shut for a moment, “See, like this. You look so beautiful like that, and your eyes get darker, and I just love watching you like this, Cariad.”

Her eyes opened to look at him. His hair was more frazzled than usual (which was saying something), his eyes which were usually a gorgeous hazel resembled more of a brown colour. She placed a kiss on his cheek. James looked beautiful too. 

She blushed once she realised she had said it out loud. “I’m beautiful?” he teased, placing a kiss on her chest, taking a bit of flesh between his teeth. “Careful, Annwyl, you’re stroking my ego.”

She began moving her hips against his, causing James to elicit a loud moan. “We don’t need that, do we?” Once more she rubbed against him. “We wouldn’t be able to get your head through the door.” One of her hands moved to pull at his messy black locks causing another groan from his as she placed the other one on his neck, bringing him in for a passionate kiss.

She grinned as she felt something against her thigh. She continued with her movements, kissing down his chest as his mouth kissed, licked, sucked on the closest body part, his hips responding to hers and grasping onto them. “Lil, love,” he sounded pained and for a moment she almost felt bad for what she knew she had to do as she pressed kisses against his jaw. _Almost_. 

Her hands moved down his chest, teasingly close to the place that was bothering her boyfriend. Instead of touching him, however, she rolled off of him.

“Lil?” His eyes were closed as he panted. She eyed his erection in amusement as she got off the bed, placing a quick kiss on his lips that caused his eyes to open. She almost caved right there as she saw the desire he felt in them. 

Instead, however, she straightened the Muggle clothes she had on before looking at her disheartened boyfriend. “Take care of your problem,” the corner of her mouth quirked up before continuing, “and meet me after, yeah?”

He gave her a bashful smile as he blushed a bright red, attempting to cover his _problem_ with the sheets on his bed. “Yeah, in the Heads’ Office?”

She nodded, ruffling his hair with her hand. “Just so you know, if we weren’t in your dorm where your friends could walk in at any moment, I wouldn’t have stopped.”

“Yeah?” A look of surprise crossed his face.

Lily bit down on her lip, knowing that she was going into an uncharted territory that neither had yet to cross with anyone. “Yeah. I love you.” She pressed a quick kiss to his forehead before dashing out the room, giggling at the look on his face, the grin that would forever be the death of her. 

* * *

 

**April 1978**

She was laughing, an euphonious laugh that he thought he could never tire of hearing. How could he when she was all he had ever wanted? She caught his eyes with his, soft and bright and oh so hypnotising. Really, he could stare at them for the rest of his life. Maybe he would, the ring was still in his dorm after all.

James’ attention was shifted as he saw eyes turn to him. “What?” He asked, realising Sirius had been asking him something.

“Nevermind,” Sirius said with a grin. “Too caught up with Evans to care for us common folks.”

James returned his grin, “I’m glad you’ve finally realised that, Padfoot.”

Sirius gazed at Lily, “Do you see what I have to put up with, love?”

“I’m the one who snogs him, you twat.” Sirius barked out a laugh, staring at her with love that would have made James jealous had it been any other bloke. He knew, however, that Lily and Sirius held a special friendship that went beyond that of a normal confidant; they filled the empty space that their biological siblings had left.

“You love me,” James turned to her, batting his hazel eyes. A fake pout displayed on his face as Lily raised her eyebrow at him in amusement.

“Only when you’re not being a prat.” 

He laughed, “Ah, but I’m always being a prat according to you, so you must love me in spite of it, Cariad.”

She rolled her eyes as an owl landed on her plate, waiting patiently as Lily gently took a letter from him. James feed it a piece of toast and stroked its beak before the barn owl flew away.

James’ eyes turned to his girlfriend whose face had gone white. “Are you all right,” April had asked from Lily’s other side.

Lily ignored her as she dropped the letter onto the table and slowly got up to leave.

“Cariad?” James asked, his eyes taking in her eyes that had begun tearing up. She shook her head before fleeing the Great Hall.

James grabbed the letter she had left behind, his eyes widening as he registered the word _dead_. “I’ll see you later,” he said before following after Lily’s steps, the letter still in his hands. He found her curled up in a small alcove shortly after. 

He lowered himself to her height, “Lily, love?” He didn’t know whether she wanted him there or not. He didn’t know whether he would had he been in her place. “I don’t know what to say.”

His heart broke as he looked into her eyes, his hands moving to her cheeks to wipe away the tears. Lily threw her arms around him, her face was against his neck as she cried into it, _he’s_ **_dead_** _, James,_ **_dead_**.

He kissed the top of her head. His hand ran down her hair soothingly. “Let’s go to the Tower,” he mumbled against her hair as he heard the sound of feet pounding against the floor, she looked up at him gently. He disentangled himself from her before taking her hand in his. “Come on, everyone’s about to head to class.” 

A guilty expression crossed her face, “Shouldn’t you be going? We have Professor McGonagall, you shouldn’t be skiving for me. I’ll be fine–” He pulled her along one of the many staircases leading up to the seventh floor.

“You’re more important to me than any class could possibly be.” He squeezed her hand in reassurance. “Minnie will understand.”

“He liked you, you know,” she said once they lied on his bed, her body nestling into his side. He eyed her tenderly. “He was happy when he realised you were the one I was seeing and not Sirius. I don’t think he would have let me stay over at any other boy’s house. I mean, he didn’t even like Severus when we were still friends.” Her eyes closed, “Called it _father’s intuition_.” He heard a sob escape her lips and pulled her tighter against him. “It doesn’t feel real, James. He just sent me a letter a few days ago, how can he be gone?”

“I don’t know, Cariad.” He felt useless in that moment. “I wish you didn’t have to go through this, and I wish he was still here. Your dad was an amazing man, and it was obvious how much he adored you. I think all you can do is continue to make him proud, that’s what my mum said about my Grandfather Henry, Harry to her. I never met him, but mum said he was a big believer in living in the moment, living a life worth living. I think your dad would want that for you.” 

He felt her finger stroke circles against his chest. “Sounds like your grandfather was a wise man.” She sighed, “I know you’re right, I just need a few days to process this before I begin living a life worth living.”

“Understandable.”

She lifted her head up, “Will you come with me? To let Professor Dumbledore know I need a few days to go home?”

“Of course,” he let his finger curl and uncurl a piece of her hair.

“And to the funeral? Will you come with me?” He watched as she snuggled her face into his neck, avoiding his gaze.

“Lil,” he began stroking her hair again, “I’ll go anywhere you want me to. I’m with you every step of the way for the rest of our lives. You and me, until the very end.”

He saw the first hint of a genuine smile grace her face, “Until the very end,” she vowed softly. 

* * *

 

 **May 1978**  

His lips lied on her top of her head as she once more shifted in his bed. He laughed against her, “If you want I can leave, Cariad,” he said as she accidently shoved him.

“No, you’re warm,” she moaned softly as he made to go away. 

He chuckled as his hand stroked her curls gently. “We have to get up soon, you know,” he reminded her as she closed her eyes again. “We have the prefects meeting in an hour.”

She looked up to glare at him, “Stop ruining the mood, Potter.” Her eyes held a glint to them as she repositioned her head on his chest. “I’m trying to enjoy myself.”

“Did you enjoy yourself?” He wiggled his eyebrows teasingly, before placing a kiss on her nose. Red tinted her face accompanied with a request for James to “shut it.” He began playing with her shirt (his really), moving it aside to kiss the skin there.

“James,” she said exasperated, but he saw the hint of a smile on her face. He placed another kiss on her neck before pulling away.

He grinned at her, the kind of smile that was only for Lily. The lopsided one with a dimple that Lily had to resist the urge to kiss before they had begun dating. Really it was quite a beautiful dimple she thought as she let one of her fingers touch it tentatively.

“What are you doing,” he asked, looking at her with warm eyes that could have melted her right there.

“You have a dimple right there,” she said poking the spot where the dimple had been moments before. “It’s cute.” 

James flushed lightly, always surprised when she mentioned one of the things she liked about him, not that it should surprise him, but it was still Lily saying those things. Lily who told him that she loved his glasses when he would get insecure around her whenever they would occasionally (or not so occasionally) bump into her face when they were kissing. Lily who said she loved his messy hair despite previously stating otherwise. Lily who loved that he couldn’t be still for very long without doing something. Lily who loved him and who he loved in every sense.

He couldn’t help smiling down at her again, her face lit up. “See, right here.” She leant up and placed a kiss on it. Lily squealed in surprise as James rolled them over, “We have an hour, James,” she said as kisses were placed down her neck, the hand that wasn’t cradling her face was moving down to her under her shirt.

“Lily, Lily, Lily,” he chanted lightly.

She wrapped her legs around his waist as he moved his lips back to her mouth before releasing her and nuzzling into her neck. He smiled against her skin as she stroked his hair slightly.

“You’re a bit mad, aren’t you?” Her finger continued their ministrations on his hair, eliciting a soft whimper from him. 

“Marry me,” he whispered against her.

He hadn’t meant to say it, not really. Sure he had been thinking it, but he had had it all planned. It had to be perfect, He didn’t dare look up at her and instead choose to hide himself in her neck. It was a very beautiful neck.

“James?” she questioned as she pushed him away. “Do you mean it?” Her eyes scanned his face, “Do you want me to marry you?” 

He couldn’t talk. She had stolen his voice, that was the only solution. If he hadn’t been sure she was a Muggle-born, he would have questioned whether she was part-Veela. He nodded briefly, aware that he currently looked like a mess. 

“Yes,” Green eyes stared at him. Her face looked as if she had won a million galleons before she threw her arms around his neck, kissing his neck, jaw, every surface within her reach. It took him a moment longer than necessary before he took in what she had said. 

Hesitantly he stopped her, taking her face in between his hands. "Yes?" 

She leant up, kissing him again. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

“I have a ring for you.” He leant his forehead against hers, rolling off of her to get the box from his bedside table. “Get dressed, I want to do it properly.”

Lily threw her head back and let out a soft, euphoric laugh, “I already said yes.” 

He leant down to kiss her, he had a lovesick smile on his face. “I know, but I’m not telling our children that I proposed to their mother while we were snogging in bed.”

“No one told me I was pregnant,” she teased as she got up. She pulled on her robes over James’ shirt as he pulled on a pair of trousers before tossing his robes on. Pulling on her hand, he barely gave her enough time to put on her shoes before dragging her down a multitude of stairs and through corridors until they were at James’ favourite tree. The same tree where he had carved their initials on a piece of bark accompanied with Lily’s carving of a heart underneath.

 

“Lily Evans, my cariad,” he began as he got down on one knee, “I had a whole speech planned that is probably shite, and I think I mentioned the colour of your eyes at least twenty times. All I really want to say is that I love you more than anything, Lil. I want to marry you and have a family with you. I want to grow old and embarrass our children together and tell them all the stories about how I was an idiot who could only hope to capture your affection and somehow did. I can only hope to one day make you as happy as you make me. I want you to know that you’re it for me, Evans, there’s no going back. I’m yours, and I love you and promise to always be there for you. So do you want to spend the rest of your life with me?” 

“Yes, you prat,” she said, tears in her eyes. “And you do make me happy.”

He slid the ring onto her finger, the green matching the colour of her eyes. She threw herself into his arms again, whispering her love for him into his ear as he held her tightly against him, reveling in his state of exultation.

* * *

They arrived late for the meeting, not that they minded all that much, with wrinkled robes and tousled hair, their lips slightly swollen. 

“Sorry we’re late,” Lily said as they shuffled in, moving her fingers to tie up her red locks. The prefects began whispering as they saw the luxurious and beautiful green ring on her left hand.

James took Lily’s hand in his, daring anyone to comment as he began speaking. His eyes softening when he turned it over to Lily. He could feel a glare his way, but nothing could ruin this feeling for him. He would be married to Lily by this time next year, and not even Snape would be able to shatter James’ happiness. Snape and the rest of the world could scorn them for all he cared, because really what were they in the midst of his happiness with Lily? 

* * *

 

**September 1978**

You deserve to be loved, cherished, adored and, sometimes, I don’t think I’ll ever be good enough for you, but then you smile at me with those green eyes of yours, and I forget to worry. Because I do love you, adore you, and I’ll cherish you for the rest of my life if you’ll let me. I’ll love you when you’re yelling at me and screaming that you hate me because we both know I’ll have my moments of being an idiot. I’ll love you when you’re drunk, and I have to hold your red hair back and tuck you into bed. I’ll love you as you dance around our flat with Godric swinging in your arms wanting to be free. I’ll love you when you tease me about how my hair can’t stay flat and how I only make it messier. I’ll love you when you go on Order missions without telling me, and I’m the one lecturing you about being reckless; I know you appreciate the irony. I’ll love you when you cry in my arms from all your internalised frustration; have I ever told you love that I have never met anyone so strong? I’ll love you when you make me laugh so much that tears roll down my face. I’ll love you when you hog the blankets and push me off the bed. I’ll love you when you try to protect me during battles and pretend to be angry when I do the same (you’re so small, love, how can I not try to protect you from everyone). 

I’ll love you when you walk down the altar next month. I’ll love you for the rest of my life; _until the very end, Lily Evans._  

* * *

 

**October 1978**

You’re looking at me again with that grin of yours that never fails to give me butterflies. You’re looking at me like nothing could make you happier than picking what flowers our wedding should have. I’m marrying you in two weeks, James. How did I get so lucky to have you love me?

I know people doubted what we felt, I know they can’t even begin to understand how much I love you, how much I’ll always love you. I love you when you drive me mad and make me want to hex that stupid grin off your stupid face, you prat. I love you when you keep me up all night on the nights of the full moon wondering whether you’re still okay. I love you when you tell me I’m mad and kiss me (how am I supposed to stay mad at you when you kiss me like that, you wanker). I love you when Sirius and you decide to be absolute idiots with that motorbike of his (yes, I love it, not that I’ll admit it to either of you). I love you when you mess up your hair because you wouldn’t be James if your hair was actually tame ( _oh, the horror_ ). I love you when you get excited and start talking a mile a minute, your hands moving like wild until you accidentally break something–let us not forget that you’re a complete idiot who can’t remember to use magic to fix it, so you try to hide it instead (oh, my love). _How are you so wonderful?_

I promise to love you even when you annoy me (I’m going to be honest, you could never _really_ annoy me). I’ll love you when you accidentally set the kitchen on fire again because you got distracted by a Muggle appliance. I’ll love you when you keep me up at night asking me random questions that no one but you would ever ask. I’ll love you when you have one of your rare moments of insecurity and need me to reassure you as you nuzzle into my neck. I’ll love you every single day.

I’ll love you when we have our first child, and I scream at you for putting me through so much pain. I’ll love you when we fight, and you sleep on the sofa. I’ll love you when our children grow up and start their own families. I’ll love you every day for the rest of our lives. I’ll love you until the very end of our lives and even death won’t stop me. I’ll love you forever, James Potter.

* * *

 

James paced around his bedroom for what seemed the millionth time. His hair was dosed in his father’s Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion. He restrained the urge to run his hand through his hair, he knew very well that his mother would murder him if his attire was anything but perfect on his wedding day. James would very much prefer not to be murdered on the day he was meant to marry Lily Evans. 

His thoughts drifted as he heard the sound of the door being opened. He smiled nervously as Sirius slipped into his room wearing robes identical to his.

“Did you see her?” James asked, his fingers twirling his wand absentmindedly.

Sirius nodded, “She looks gorgeous, Prongs.” He gave James a supportive pat on the back. “Her Muggle dress leaves little to the imagination, although it’s still modest enough for your mother.” 

He let out a quick laugh. “I’m getting married, Padfoot,” he whispered.

“Are you just now realising this?” Sirius’ eyes skimmed over him, “A bit late isn’t it?”

“Shut it,” James pushed him gently. “I just can’t believe it.”

“Are you sure about this? Marrying Lily?” He was serious as he looked James straight in the eyes.

“I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”

“Let’s get out there before Mia comes to drag us both away.”

James shook his head. “Yeah, just give me a moment.”

Sirius shrugged before heading back out. “Nice hair,” he teased before closing the door. 

James waved his wand about, uttering to the stag that appeared: “To Lily Evans, I’ll see you outside. I love you.” He watched as the stag pranced away before he headed to his garden where the wedding would take place. 

His mother ushered him to the altar, her hands dusting off invisible particles from his robes and rambling about last minute problems which he zoned out until she mentioned _her_. “Your father should be coming out with Lily any minute. She looks beautiful.” His heart began to speed up as his mother being discussing Lily, his soon-to-be bride. “And remember, James, you’re not allowed to see her until she gets to the altar.”   

“Yes, mum, I know.” His mother positioned him at the altar, his back facing the aisle where his father and Lily would soon be walking through.

He felt Sirius walk behind him and saw Remus and Peter already to his right.

“Completely stunning,” Sirius uttered enjoying James’ torture. 

He concentrated on the music as his fiancée walked down the aisle.

“You can turn around, James,” he heard his father say. He obeyed and was rewarded by the exquisite sight of _her_. “Take care of her, son,” his father placed a tender kiss on Lily’s temple before relinquishing the hold he had on her.

“Are you going to take my hand, Potter?” she questioned, raising her eyebrows at him.

“You look...wow…”

Lily giggled at his response, taking one of his hands in hers. “You look like a prat,” she said before taking her other hand and ruffling his hair. He sighed softly at her touch.

“I got your patronus,” she whispered as his mother motioned for the wedding ceremony to begin. “I love you too.” 

* * *

She pressed her cheek against his chest. Her curly hair that was originally in a pretty bun was now falling down her back. One of his hands lied on her waist as the other moved up and down her back. The music could be heard throughout the Potters’ garden as the newly married couple enjoyed their first dance together. 

“We’re married, Lil,” he whispered into her ear softly. His voice sounded blissful. “Lily Potter,” he said as her eyes looked up into his. She was glowing, her happiness apparent on her face.

“Lily and James Potter,” she let out as she pressed herself closer to him, their surroundings seemingly trivial. “We’re the Potters.” She let her hands play with the hair at the back of his neck as she pressed a kiss to his chest.

He leant down, placing his forehead against her. “It’s you and me forever, Cariad.” His lips pressed a kiss onto her nose. Her face reddened as she smiled up at her husband in her smitten state.

“Forever,” she agreed. “Just a warning, Potter,” she grinned at the word, “You won’t be able to get rid of me so easily from now on.”

A dimple appeared on his face as he laughed lightheartedly. “I’m never going to want to get rid of you, Lily _Potter_. I love you too much for that, you’re stuck with me.”

“I love you, James,” her eyes drank him in, watching him as if she could never get enough of him (she would never get enough of him). “I love you,” she pulled him into her as the song changed.

He kissed her shortly before Sirius appeared to request a dance with the beautiful bride. Yet the unspoken words of _I love you, and I’ll die for you_ still lingered. 

* * *

“I met James when we were eleven,” Sirius began, standing next to where the groom sat. “Despite these seven years, he still remains the most bizarre child I have ever met. His first words to me, after I made the mistake of commenting on him buying most of the sweets on the trolley, were that he was trying to feed the animals of the world. Can you believe the prat?” Sirius paused as he watched the blush appear on his best mate’s cheek due to the teasing administered to the poor bloke by his now wife, Lily Potter. 

“Despite his odd behavior, he has remained a _deer_ friend of mine who I remain very _fawn_ of.” He sent a wink to the newlyweds who were trying their best not to laugh. “Of course I was there for all important stages of his _deer_ life. I was there when he made the Quidditch team and wouldn’t stop talking about it for months, I’ll admit I tried hitting him with a bludger a few times.”

“That explains a lot,” Fleamont Potter stage whispered to his wife causing laughter across the room and a pout from James that was relieved with a kiss from Lily.

“As I was saying, I was there when James was barely beginning to shed his _tusk_ and _pranced_ about the place as if it were his _kingdom_.” He grinned at James, “Admittedly, it wasn’t just James. Yet I saw this old _stag_ _buck up_ and meet his _mate_. I was there when he met the beautiful Lily Evans…” 

“It’s Lily Potter, you prat,” the bride said in faux annoyance, but her eyes were too bright in her happiness to be taken seriously.

“All right, I was there when he met the beautiful _deerling_ , I mean darling, known as Lily Potter. James, being the absolute idiot that he is known to be, didn’t have the best start with our precious _doe_.” Lily let out a small giggle at the moment causing Sirius to pause. “All right, _red deer?_ ”

“Yes,” Lily said amidst her fit while James began stroking her hair in an effort to calm her. Sirius noticed the tears of laughter in her eyes and was only too happy to entertain her with this. He continued on with the deer jokes for the next few minutes as he recounted the love story of James and Lily Potter much to his friends’ amusement and confused looks from others.

Suddenly, he turned oddly serious, “Whatever the future may hold, despite being a lone dog myself, I know you two will make it through together. You bring out the best in one another. James is the _hart_ , he always brings out the best in everyone but especially in Lily. They help one another be less reckless and are a reminder that sometimes we need one another. They’re not afraid to tell the other when they’re being idiots, and they protect each other without trying to be controlling. But they also know when to let the other fight their own battles. I don’t think I’ve ever met a stronger couple, you’ll give your parents a run for your money, James.”

He took a deep breath before continuing, “To Lily and James Potter, I wish you both the best of _buck_.”

* * *

 

**October 1979**

James worriedly paced Edgar Bones’ living-room. She wasn’t back yet, she was supposed to be back when Alice Longbottom was, but there sat Alice with her husband comforting her while James’ heart was breaking with each passing second. She hadn’t even told him that she was going to be out on a mission today.

“Prongs,” Remus said as he walked behind him, placing his hand on James’ shoulder. “I’m sure she’s fine. It’s Lily, she’s strong.”

“I don’t underestimate how strong she is, but she can be reckless sometimes. She’d charge into a fight without thinking.” An overwhelming anxiety was overcoming him.

“Sirius is on the mission with her, James.”

“Sirius would encourage her. He always does.” James let out a sigh, a glint of fear in his eyes.

“Moody is with her  too,” Peter added in helpfully. “I’m sure she’s fine.”

“I won’t be fine until she’s in my arms again.” He stopped pacing for a moment. “I can’t lose her.”

* * *

 

An hour passed before more of the remaining Order members appeared. Although a significant few were still missing. 

James’ eyes were scanning the room when he caught sight of a redhead being told off by Alastor Moody. He quickly made his way towards her, hearing her reply with: “Constant vigilance, I know, Moody.” James caught Sirius sniggering next to her.

He could see Moody getting ready to lash out at his wife again when he approached them.

“Someone’s in trouble,” he heard Sirius whisper amusedly. James glared at him.

Lily turned around to face him. He noticed first what seemed to be the result of some form of burning hexes on her face and neck. He knew from the marks on her Muggle clothing that should he look under them, she’d likely have other burn marks as well. “Hello, Mr Potter,” she voiced coyly. A smile emerged onto her face as she saw him, only to fade as he frowned down at her.

Sirius clapped a hand down on Moody’s back, “Come on, Moody, better leave these two kids to sort this out.” He winked at them before leading Moody away who muttered about the carelessness of the youth.

“So,” Lily started, smiling up at him sweetly, “On a scale of being extra snuggly in bed tonight to making you your favourite breakfast foods for a week, how much is it going to take to get you to not be mad?”

“Me getting to name our first born child Elvendork and letting them know it’s because their mother is a reckless miscreant that lives to give me heart problems.”

He sighed before taking her hand in his.

“So, in this scenario, are we still married?” James resisted the temptation to smile at her attempts (and successes) at being cute. “Because I rather like being married to you.”

“I’m still mad at you,” James said, avoiding the question as he pulled her into a bathroom.

“James.” Lily’s tone took a serious tone as she made to sit on the counter. “Please don’t be mad.”

“You could have told me you were going. I shouldn’t have to have been told when I got here that you were there fighting who knows how many Death Eaters.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “I’m already losing them, Lily, I can’t lose you too. I’d fall apart if anything happened to you.”

“Your parents are trying to fight it, James.” He let himself be comforted by her soft caress for a moment. “And I’ll never leave you. I’m careful.” She planted a kiss on his cheek. “I promise.”

He tore himself away from her gently. “Just don’t be so reckless.” He moved past her to grab some potions from the cupboard he knew Edgar kept them in.

Lily laughed, “Are you really the person who should be giving me grief about being reckless, _Prongs?_ ” He threw a glare at her that they both knew meant nothing as blush rose to his cheeks.

He handed her one of the potions. “Drink this.” A gold rag appeared with a quick flick of his wand. He dampened the rag slightly under the faucet. He gently placed it on her face, careful as he cleaned away the dirt and blood from it. He rested his forehead against hers for a moment after he was done with her face. 

“Clothes off.” His voice was commanding in a way that Lily found rather attractive in the moment.

A sly smile appeared on her face as she began untucking her shirt from her skirt. “If you wanted to see me naked there are nicer ways to ask.”

Biting the inside of his mouth he responded, “I’m checking over your wounds, Cariad.” An annoyed look came over his face again. “You know you shouldn’t wear Muggle clothes while on missions, not without charming them at least. They don’t protect you against even the lighter spells.”

Lily sighed, “I know, but Sirius and I were in Muggle London, it would have been weird to be wearing robes. When we got here, we didn’t have time to change or charm our clothes. I’m sorry.” She pulled him closer to her, pressing a kiss to his chest. “But don’t pretend you never wear your Muggle clothes on missions without charming them.” Another blush appeared on his face. “No one likes a hypocrite, James.” Another kiss made itself up his neck. “Plus, I know you like it when I wear my Muggle outfits; don’t pretend otherwise.” A kiss landed behind his ear.

He let out a low whimper at the feeling of her mouth making contact with his. His eyes fluttered closed. “You’re trying to distract me,” he mumbled as his hands travelled up her shirt. 

“Am I?” Her hands reached to pull her shirt over her head. “How unlike me.” Next were her stockings.

“Lily,” he said as he touched her skin lightly, stepping in between her legs as if hypnotised.

“Robes off,” she mimicked his earlier voice. He nodded as he pulled them over his head, throwing them onto the counter. Her fingers trailed up his chest, up and down and up again and down again. “Are you still mad?”

“I’m always mad when it comes to you.” His lips came down to her pulse point, enjoying the way she arched her back as he kissed it, sucked on it, talked against it. “I’ve accepted that fate when I fell in love with you.”

“Mm, good choice,” she moaned as he pressed himself closer to her, careful to avoid touching the burns on her abdomen. Her fingers went to pull at his hair, encouraging the way his mouth planted kisses all over her neck and the manner in which his fingers dug into her thighs delicately. James let the tip of his nails to scrape across them back and forth, driving her crazy in the process. She threw her head back with a soft whimper as he nibbled teasingly at her throat.

“Skirt, Evans.” His hand drifted down to tug at the bottom of her skirt.

“I didn’t know you fancied yourself in skirts, love.” Her voice came out hoarse even as she teased him. “And it’s Potter. You do know how to say that, right?”

James groaned into her almost bare chest. “Off, _Potter_.” He placed an open mouth kiss over her upper body.

“Say please.” Her eyes shone with mischief that was soon replaced once she saw a similar glint in his eyes. 

His hand went under her skirt, moving aside her knickers. “You want me to say please?” His thumb rubbed against her with a bit of pressure. He enjoyed the ways she attempted to resist her eyes fluttering close.

“Yes,” she cried softly as he continued his ministrations on her. 

He let himself take pleasure in the way she moved under his touch. “Please,” he said, placing a sweet kiss on her lips before removing his hand. Her eyes opened to reveal her lusty green eyes.

She lifted her hips up, allowing him to slowly move her skirt down her legs, the back of his hand in contact the entire way down.

A smirk donned on his face as she made for the waistband of his trousers, unbuckling the belt before moving them down with her feet as she unbuttoned his shirt, kisses being splayed down his chest as she did so. He tossed off the shirt before cupping her face in his hands, letting his tongue pry open her lips. His hands moving to her hair, grasping it lightly as he moaned into her mouth, tasting the sweetness that was just so Lily. 

His boxers came off next, then her knickers. One of his hands shifted to her back, unhooking her bra before his mouth separated from hers, lowering it to her breasts. He could hear the urgency in her voice as she once more pulled at his hair, telling him what she wanted, what he craved. His mouth wrapped around one of her nipples, sucking on it as Lily arched her back.

“James,” her words were a plea. “Please.” Her hips rubbed against his, he knew she could feel his desire more with every bit of contact. He groaned against her, positioning himself before thrusting into her. One of her arms moved to his neck, bring him down for many kisses that had him on edge as she used the other one to run through his hair. He bit back a growl as she tightened her hold on his locks. He wouldn’t last long if she kept it up. He let his mouth go back to her neck, kissing her skin rapidly, alternating between flicking his tongue and sucking at her skin; he felt a certain joy in knowing that her skin would surely bruise—it would be visible proof that she was his and he was hers. He placed his forehead against hers. James’ mouth found its way back to hers as she dug her nails into his shoulders, moaning as their pace quickened. 

His hand settled back over her clit, adding more pressure as she demanded it. Her head fell to his shoulder, muffling her cry as she reached her orgasm. She placed kisses against his shoulder, continuing to move her hips until he came inside her.

They were silent for a few moments as they came down from their gratification.

Lily laughed as she looked back up into his face. “I think we need to buy Edgar and his wife a new bathroom counter.”

James let out a chuckle, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. “Or at the very least send them some flowers.” He kissed her lips softly. “We should get cleaned up and head back downstairs, they’re bound to wonder where we ran off to.”

Lily gave him another kiss before hopping off the counter. “I suppose we’ll have to let them come to their own conclusions.”

* * *

 

**December 1979**

Lily thought back to her parents’ own deaths and laughed bitterly at the fact that she thought that was the hardest thing she would ever have to go through. She was wrong, so wrong. She was fortunate, she now thought, that both deaths had been unexpected and quick, she didn’t need to sit by their beds wondering whether they would live. She didn’t know how she would have handled that.

She regarded her boys as they did so. Sirius who was always put up a wall around him, who always needed to be tough. She watched him as he mad jokes as the Dragon Pox were slowly killing her parents-in-law. She watched as they laughed tiredly at the usually animated boy who they had taken in and treated and loved as their own. She watched as her husband talked with them with tears pouring out his eyes, she wished there was hope for them but knew not to get her hopes up. James let her be that shoulder to cry on, let her comfort him. 

She knew now wasn’t the time to tell him her news, but she needed to tell someone. She stayed the night as Sirius and James reluctantly left for a mission for the Order.

Lily sat in the chair next to their bed, conversing as she usually would yet with tears streaming across her face. Euphemia lifted a shaky hand to her face to wipe away the tears.

“It’ll be all right,” were her comforting words. Her hazel eyes gazing at her softly. “But do us a favour, Lily.”

Lily sobbed, “Anything.”

“Take care of James.” Euphemia’s forehead creased, “He’s never been one to take bad news well, he cried for days when he accidently turned his cat invisible, blamed it on the gnomes.”

She heard Fleamont let out a laugh.

Lily smiled at them, “Until the very end.” She bit her lip slightly, “I have something I wanted to tell you, just in case.” Her fingers ran through her for a moment before continuing with teary eyes yet a smile still on display, “I’m pregnant.”

“Congratulations,” their voices mixed together as Euphemia motioned for her to give her a hug. Fleamont gave Lily a kiss on the forehead.

“How far along are you?” She could hear the joy in his voice as tears filled his eyes as well.

“Two months. I found out a few days ago. James insisted I go get checked out after I kept getting sick.”

“Why didn’t he say anything?” Euphemia’s tone made Lily laugh. This was after all the women who had raised her boys.

“He doesn’t know yet. I’m waiting for the right moment.”

Emma stared at her with pure adoration, “Do me another favour, Lily.”  

“Of course.”

“If the baby’s a boy name him Harry, after Fleamont’s father.” She shifted her gaze to her husband, “Henry Potter was a great man, I have no doubt your little boy or girl will be amazing as well.”

Fleamont grasped his wife’s hand in his, tightening the hold on her–his silent thanks.

“I promise,” she said as she wiped away even more tears. “Harry Potter, Harry _James_ Potter. It has a nice ring to it.”   

* * *

 

**January 1980**

“James, we need to talk.” Her voice came out gentle as she once more caught him out of bed, pacing in the kitchen. This had become a habit of his in the month since his parents’ deaths.

“I’m sorry,” he was begging her with his eyes to understand. “I know I haven’t been the best husband lately. I just–”

Lily got closer, bringing up a hand to cup his face, “I get it.” She placed her head against his chest, breathing in his comforting smell before lifting up her gaze to meet his. “That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.” She hugged her stomach as she let go of him. “I have something I’ve been keeping from you.”

His eyes studied her for a moment. She saw as he pushed his glasses up as a distraction before responding with a simple, “Oh.” She could almost see every worst case scenario going through his head.

She gave him a small smile, “I’m pregnant.”

He was frozen for a moment before picking her up and spinning her, kisses being placed on every inch of skin he could reach. Lily giggled as she hugged his neck tight.

“So you’re not upset?” She asked him as he set her down.

He cupped her face, bringing his lips down to meet hers briefly. “No, this is great. I’m–” He looked at her with tears in his eyes, “We’re going to be parents, Lil.” He placed his forehead against hers. “I just wished they had known.” 

“They did.” He tilted his head slightly in confusion before she continued, “I told them a few days after I found out.” She paused before saying, “A few days before they died.”

He kissed her again, mumbling his thanks and love for her. Lily pulled away reluctantly, giggling. “Let’s take this to our bedroom.”

“It’s not going to hurt our baby is it?” He asked as he let her drag him across their flat.

She turned back to look at his innocent eyes, “No, it’s not going to hurt our baby.” 

* * *

 

It was Wednesday, the second to last day of January when five friends arrived at the Leaky Cauldron.

Sirius’ arm was thrown around Lily’s shoulder as the other three walked ahead of them. “We’re getting you so plastered tonight, Evans. Prongs won’t know what to do with you.”

Lily laughed, although part of her felt unease.

James turned to them as Remus and Peter headed towards an empty booth. “Trying to seduce my wife, Padfoot?” His hazel eyes met hers tenderly, “All right there, Cariad?”

“I’m fine, Sirius here is just planning on getting me drunk is all.” James’ eyes widened slightly understanding what her real concern was. Her hand came to rest on her stomach gently as Sirius continued on, oblivious to James and Lily’s silent concern.

“First round’s on me, yeah?” His grey eyes look at Lily softly, never missing the chance to spoil the birthday girl.

“‘Course,” Lily voiced, waiting until after he was gone to turn to her husband. “Get me pumpkin juice please and some chips.”

He smiled down at her before leaning down to place a quick kiss on her cheek. “Of course, I’ll make sure Padfoot doesn’t put anything in it either.”

”Thank you.” 

He tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, “Anytime, my love.” 

He winked at her as he walked away from her backwards, accidentally bumping into an elderly lady as he did so. She snorted as she saw him turn towards the lady, frantically apologising as he helped her up. A giggle escaped her as she watched the lady examine her husband, pinching his cheeks briefly before walking away.

“You realise you married him, right?” She looked at Remus as she sat down across from him.

“Yeah,” she grinned at her fellow green-eyed friend. “Don’t tell him I said this, but it was one of my wiser decisions.” She gazed at her husband fondly as she watched him ruffling his hair nervously. “He makes me happy, very happy. Do you believe in soulmates?”

“Not really,” said Peter who appeared sad about it. Remus shrugged as if he too would have preferred not to think about it. 

“I do.” Her words came out a sigh. “I don’t think everyone finds theirs, but mine is James. If there’s one thing I’m sure about it’s that James and I were always supposed to be.”

“The stag and the doe,” Remus said, referencing their patronuses, their souls.

“It sounds silly, but it’s true; we’re soulmates.”

“Well, as James’ soulmate, can you tell me what you did to cheer him up? He was distraught just last week about his parents. It’s understandable, but James suddenly being all smiles and laughs again doesn’t make sense, Lily.” 

A blush rose onto her face.

“I assumed Padfoot just gave him something,” Peter added as Lily avoided the question.

“Lily, your husband’s a tosser,” Sirius said as he slid in next to Remus, leaving the empty space next to her for James. “He’s refusing to drink with me.”

“You are?” She asked curiously as he placed her chips and drink in front of her. 

He let his arm circle her waist as he placed a kiss on the place below her ear. “For Harry,” he mumbled. Her heart swelled as tears came to her eyes.

“Evans?” Sirius questioned as they looked at her with brotherly concern.

“It’s Potter, you prat,” she said as hid her face in James’s chest.

“Want to tell them now?” James asked with light strokes to her back, soothing her with his gentle touches.

She nodded as she lifted her face, wiping away the stray tears.

“What is it?” Peter asked.

James bit on his bottom lips as he looked down at her, he squeezed her hand in support.

“James and I are going to be parents.” She felt James hand move to lie on the bump that was hidden by her robes.

“Are you adopting?”

“No, Pete. I’m pregnant.” Peter’s eyes widened.

“Bloody hell,” Sirius said, his hand coming to cover the bottom portion of his face.

“Congratulations,” Remus said, “That certainly explains a lot.” His eyes shifted to James as he said that. 

“Congrats,” Peter stuttered briefly. “How far along are you?”

Her face broke into a smile, “About fourteen weeks. We just entered the second trimester.” 

“We went to St. Mungo’s yesterday, and they showed us how big the baby is. He’s so tiny, I could probably fit him in the palm of my hand.” His voice was mesmerising.

“He?” Sirius speaking willingly for the first time since hearing the news. “The baby is a he?”

James blushed, “We’re not sure yet, but we think the baby is going to be a boy, and it would feel wrong to call the baby an _it_.” Another smile graced his lips as if he couldn’t get enough, “We’re thinking of naming him Harry if it is a boy. Or Emma for a girl.”

“Harry _James_ ,” Lily specified. “I think Petunia would want to save my mum’s name in case she ever has a girl.” James pulled her tighter against him, a kiss placed on top of her head as he watched Sirius’ expression change.

“We’re going to have a little mischief maker.”

“Are you crying, Sirius?” Lily asked as she grabbed one of his hands in hers.

“No,” he denied quickly, giving her hand a squeeze. “I just, you’re going to have a little James and Lily running around your flat in less than a year. Bloody hell.”

“Would you like to be godfather?” Lily’s timid voice asked. Red hair moved to hide her face.

“I’d be honoured.” They could hear the emotion coming from Sirius’ voice. “I’ll spoil Harry more than anyone ever,” he promised as he stared into their faces.

“I don’t doubt it,” James said as his lips placed a tender kiss on his wife’s shoulder as his hand moved to the other one. “He’ll be so loved with all his uncles around and his beautiful mummy to keep him in check.”

“A mini Prongs.” Peter said in awe.

Remus raised an amused eyebrow, “Let’s just hope he gets his mother’s looks.” Lily laughed as she watched her husband toss a chip at him.

“Good luck, Harry,” she whispered, giving her stomach another loving touch. 

* * *

 

**October 1981**

She heard as he fell to the ground. Lily wanted to erase the sound from her mind, forget forever what that sound meant because she would never want to live in a world without James.

How could she live in a world without the sound of his laugh or the sound of him getting up in the morning, his attempt to be quiet as he tripped over Godric, Harry’s toys, or, the most common, his own feet? How could she want to live in a world where James didn’t fret over Harry every day, wrapping him up in an _absurd_ amount of blankets, telling him wizarding stories that James’ own parents had told him like that of _the Tale of the Three Brothers_? If Harry’s gurgling had been any indication, it had been his favourite. She adored the way he would bounce Harry on his knees and show him the pretty smoke that Harry was always at awe in.

She loved the way he had been so happy when he had found out she was pregnant. How he had constantly placed kisses on her stomach and felt the baby bump in case Harry had been awake.

She loved how despite being in hiding for over a year, he never let that make him bitter and still found ways to make her laugh. He tried his best to hide his frustrations, but she knew him too well. She knew it had begun to eat him up.

No, she couldn’t live in a world where James no longer existed. She would protect Harry, however, in the way she couldn’t protect James. She would have liked to say she looked Voldemort straight in the eyes in defiance when he came for her son, but she wouldn’t have been afraid to say that she begged for her son’s life as he gave her the chance to move aside. She wouldn’t have been ashamed to say that she shielded her son from the monster who took joy in tearing families apart. All she could do was hope, as James had done, that Harry would survive. That this was enough. So as she saw the green light approach her, she didn’t fear it but rather feared that it wouldn’t be enough for Harry. That she wouldn't be enough to protect him. A twisted, or perhaps romantic, part of her found joy that she would soon be reunited with James.

Lily, like her husband, faced death without fear and fell.


End file.
